but why, why, why can’t it be,
can’t it be mine
It’s nice to let out your feelings on here.
I should do this more often. I’ll most likely lose a lot of followers though. Oh well, I don’t have that many to begin with. But continuing from the last post, I just realized another distressing situation that I’ll most likely have to endure. I not only have to get rid of my awkward habits and work on my social skills and social anxiety, but my issues with connecting with people of the opposite sex. Ugh. I can’t even connect with people in general, how can I connect with people of the opposite GENDER? How will I ever find a boyfriend? I’m serious. For some reason, I cannot connect with guys on a deeper level. Everything is just so short and superficial. I think I’m a pretty mature, introspective, intellectually curious, and feminine person. I like to have intellectual conversations and talk about the beauty of poetry, art, and nature (Did I just make you puke in your mouth a little? It’s okay. I have a tendency to do that to people :3) What kind of guy would do that with me?? Seriously, my ideal guy is most likely a homosexual male. Maybe I’m just surrounded by douchebags and bros. I don’t know. I just wish I was a lesbian. I need a gentle, sensitive girl who feels the complexities of my emotions. Maybe one day I might realize it. Maybe not.
I’m afraid to go to college.
I can’t believe I’m going to be graduating high school in about a week. I’m really excited to go off to college and finally begin a new chapter in my life, but I’m also really afraid. After four years of moving from group to group in high school, I still can’t find a group that I feel I truly belong in. I still feel like I can’t truly connect with people. Only with a select few. I so wish to just be a normal person. I feel so abnormal and isolated when I’m in a group of people and they laugh, joke around, and talk about stuff I don’t know about, while I just stand there awkwardly, nodding, smiling, and pretending I know what’s going on. I hate it. I feel like I have this very quiet, timid, meek, incredibly awkward, and rather boring personality. I used to be so different; I miss my old self so much. I used to be much happier, spirited, playful, bubbly, and outgoing. What the fuck happened? How am I going to survive in college?
